I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
