last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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