8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Watching her eat just hurts me
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
