I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
