i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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