You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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