hotel room ftw
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
