Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
