3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
