party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
