I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
