Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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