just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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