im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My life is pants optional.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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