i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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