Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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