I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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