so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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