I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
