the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
