Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
