Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
