she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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