Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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