my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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