I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
