grandma shit on top of the toilet
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
