You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
