big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
