Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
