TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
