There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
