I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
