dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
