You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
