Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
