TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He passed out mid-signature
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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