at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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