i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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