Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
