I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
