It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
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