Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
