Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
