I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
