Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
