Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
