I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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