I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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