i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
