Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
