Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
