let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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