Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
