They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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